This week brought us a hearty dose of WTF. There was plastic surgery, mermaids, the splits, and even a dead person. And to tell you the truth, that’s just scratching the surface. Bravo hasn’t packed this much weirdness into a single episode since Alison Dubois’ Dinner Party From Hell.
First we watch as Ms. Vanderpump rides around Bev Hills making phone calls to all of her friends and enemies. She’s inviting them all to Pandora’s engagement party, and Taylor is on the list. Her husband Russell, however, is not. Apparently Muhammad (the host of the party) and Russell have a sordid past. I can only assume it has something to do with money, but we aren’t given any details. Taylor does’t mind though. She’ll gladly go to the party, even if it is hosted by a guy who hates her husband. Hmmm…..
Mauricio’s mom goes to Dr Paul Nassif to get herself a face lift. Kyle is understandably apprehensive about this, because she has “seen beautiful women turn into cat ladies” due to plastic surgery. Why do I have a feeling that she’s referring to Dr Pauls own wife, Adrienne?
During the surgery, Paul makes a call to Marky Mark and attempts to crack some lame jokes. Who does he call when he performs a routine vagioplasty? Jordan Knight?
It’s now time for Russell’s season 2 debut. Taylor invites Kyle and Mauricio over for dinner, and after some painfully awkward and boring conversation, Russell brings up an article from US magazine that states that he and Taylor are separated. He assumes that Lisa, who is friendly with an editor as US, gave the magazine the story. Kyle is visibly uncomfortable as Russell talks about filing a law suit against Lisa. For a guy who was so upset about how awful he looked on the show last season, he certainly didn’t do much to change his douchetastic behavior for season 2.
Before I get to Pandora’s ridiculous engagement party, let’s talk about Kim.
Kim has a secret that she’s been keeping from everyone for a whole year. She’s been seeing a man, and seems really in love. We watch her lovingly toy with this mystery mans watch while showering him with sincere compliments. Clearly she’s found real happiness with this stud. So why the big secret?
Oh. Yeah, I get it now. Shit like that typically belongs under a bridge, not under your dress. But seriously, who would have thought that Kim would end up dating Tom Sizemore? It makes sense though. They likely frequent the same rehab centers and AA meetings. But I’ll give her credit. Kim looked really good in this scene and was seemingly sober. So maybe Troll Sizemore aint so bad for her after all.
Now onto the most idiotic “engagement party” I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s a Moroccan theme going on, and there are belly dancers, snakes, camels, and…mermaids inhabiting the place. Wtf does a mermaid have to do with Morocco? And how fucking stupid did she look doing the worm in front of that pool? It might have been sort of cool if she was basking in a fountain or some shit, but this was just plain old foolish.
What was also foolish was Kyle deciding to do the splits on a table.
Even more foolish? Taylor attempting to one up her by doing some kind of bootleg figure skating pose, which caused her skeletal vagina to be exposed to all of the other guests.
My favorite circus act at the party though, was the freak who slid down the banister. It was the bedazzled version of Linda Blair doing the backwards crab walk in The Exorcist. Brilliant!
What the fuck did any of this shit have to do with an engagement though?